Saturday, September 29, 2012
Everything will be just fine, or the other way round?

And He found you lost, and guided [you]”

[Surah ad-Dhuhaa:7]

I hate this feeling when I feel so down with everything; not knowing where or how to hide my feelings behind  my smile any longer. Sick, hurt and tired. All in one. Vulnerable and feel crappy when I wake up to face the world every morning. The feeling of wanting someone to understand what I'm hiding inside, wanting to tell the whole wide world what I've been keeping to myself all this while. Feeling all sad and lonely, as if I'm alone in a deserted place and everyone is laughing at me. It hurts me so bad, you know? I'm the type who smiles on the outside to cover what I actually feel inside. I am very tired of everything that sometimes I feel like giving up. I can't please everyone, I know but being me, I tried so hard to please everyone, just to see them happy, smiling, without anything to be worried of. In the end, it's me. I end up hurting myself. Crying every night and wake up with a smile on my face, just like always.

I hate this feeling when even the smallest thing ever makes me feel crappy. The smallest thing ever on Earth can ruin my mood for the whole day. See how emotional I can be these days? This is not cool. This is killing me softly. Inside and outside.

Lonely. Yes I feel lonely sometimes. Away from my family, my best friends, away from home. Away from Kuala Lumpur. No, it's not that I hate Kuantan, it's just... I don't know how to explain. I don't know why. I'm starting to experience homesick maybe? Yes, I guess so. I am so pelik. People experience homesick at the beginning of the semester but it's the other way round for me. Pelik pelik, why you so pelik? Stress kut. Maybe yes, maybe no. Or is there anything else bothering me these days? I have no idea. I think it's just my brain playing tricks or sengaja nak buat aku sengsara. Entahlah. Aku tak pasti.

People may think that I'm living my life to the fullest but they are totally wrong. I smile, yes but they don't know behind the smile, there is this one, emotional Fatin Hanani. Hahaha, guess I fooled everyone huh?

The moody Fatin is in action.

I hate this part of me.



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Fatin Hanani Adnan

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