3.36am, 6th of November 2012. That's the time now. It's late, but I can't sleep. When I can't sleep, I'll think about everything. Bila dah fikir banyak sangat, I'll become paranoid and start worrying about this and that. Typical me.
I'm going to talk about siblings in this entry. Honestly speaking, being the first child in the family is very difficult. You have to carry everything on your shoulder. Your parents will expect you to do this and that; to become an example to your sisters, to achieve good grades, to make them proud of you etc. There are times when you will feel stressed out and want to explode because you just can't take it any more. The pressure you get when your parents said that you have to get straight As in your major examinations. The pressure you get when your parents compare you with other people out there saying that if they can do this, you can do it too. The hopes of your parents and family, it's all on your shoulder. Alone.
When I was 12, you know when we had those 'kita-tak-nak-kawan-awak' fight, my friends would say that "I'm going to tell my elder sister about this so she can scold you! Ha-ha-ha, in your face,". At that very particular moment, I was sad. Oh, they have someone to talk to when they need them. They have someone to advice them on things. They have someone to teach them maths and science. They have someone who will comment on their outfits saying that this blouse doesn't look good with that handbag. They have someone to protect them. They have someone to back them up when they fight, yada yada. Me? I have no one (in terms of older siblings) except for my younger sisters who are 3 years and 7 years younger than me.
When you were 12, did you talk to your parents about your problem, about how you feel and everything? Of course lah no kan? Just like everyone else, I kept everything to myself back then, hiding everything that I want to say from everyone. I remember being threatened by a student, just because I have no one to back me up (and that student has a sister who is 5 years older than us) back then when I was in primary school. I remember struggling for my Kerja Kursus Sejarah and Kajian Geografi Tempatan just because I have no one to guide me on how to complete those 2 kerja kursus. Of course I get jealous when people talk about their older siblings because I never had those chance and will never get any chance pun. "Eh, my brother bought me presents from New York!" and "You know what? My sister actually got me a handbag from Roxy, omaigosh it's so pretty I wanna cry! She's so thoughtful and I love her," kind of talk. Serious jealous.
*Dammit, why am I so emotional that I started sobbing all of sudden?*
Whatever it is, no matter how jealous I am with people with older siblings, I never regret being born as the very first child in the family. Being the first child, I've learned so many things that are very useful for me. I learned how to stand on my own feet, learned how to solve my problems all by myself, learned about responsibilities etc. Although I have no older siblings that can protect me all the time, I know very well that my siblings and I, will always back each other up. We will always protect each other no matter what happens in the future. We will be there, supporting each other.
One thing about my sisters and I, the three of us are very different in many ways. I enjoy writing very much, I'm not that girlish type but I can be very very girlish at times. I listen to both k-pop and hollywood songs. I watch both korean dramas and Hollywood series. I play sports although I am not that good at it. I love watching sports on TV, especially when they broadcast the sports live during the sports season (SEA Games etc.). Totally different from me, Angah hates writing so much. She doesn't like to write and that explains why she doesn't have a blog. She enjoys listening to rock kapak songs (That's weird, I know). She's a very rough person on the outside but a very sensitive person at heart and she likes to cook (I've to admit that she can cook much better than me.). Achik is very very girlish (sometimes her fashion sense is just too annoying for me to handle), she makes sure that she looks perfect from head to toe even if we're just going to the nearest supermarket. Knowing that she likes all those girlish stuffs, I usually buy those fancy hairbands, cekak, hair clips and accessories for her. What a good sister I am! She enjoys writing too but she's more to the science and maths type, which is totally different from me. Name her ten One Direction's songs, she will sing every of them without even looking at the lyrics. This girl cry a lot although she's going to be 12 next year.
See? That's how different we are from each other. My goodness, you have no idea how annoying my sisters can be. They can be very irritating at times that you want to give them a slap in the face. They can talk, condemning you about this and that for hours and what you want to do is just ask them to shut up and mind their own business. When I get mad, I would say things like "I don't even know why I have you as my sister!" and "I hate you so much that I don't want to see your face anymore," to them but no matter what they do, no matter how annoying they are, no matter how irritating they can be, I know that I can never actually hate them for real. Deep down inside, I know that I love them with all my heart and I can never live without them.
We fight and yell at each often, very very often in fact (The three of us are girls, what do you expect?), we complain about the bad things that one of us did to each other, we talked bad things behind each other's back. We say 'I hate you' at each other every time we fight but deep down inside, the three of us know that we share the same blood. The three of us know that we have to protect each other until the end of the time. The three of us know that we love each other but maybe the way we express our love is kind of different from anyone else. They might not be perfect, but I'm very thankful that I have them as my younger sisters. I'm thankful for everything I have.
What I'm trying to say is, no matter how bad your siblings are, no matter how much you hate your sisters and brothers, in the end, blood is always thicker than water. Appreciate them while you still can. Appreciate them before it's too late.
Along, achik and angah. We may be very different from each other, but what makes us one is;
we are the daughters of ibu and ayah ♥